It’s been too long since my last post. Initially the reason for my absence was because I was doing very well in my work. I was doing an average of more than 8 hours a day and even went up to double digits once. I thought the ball had finally started rolling and that it would be downhill from here. My stamina was at its peak and my tolerance to this boring life I lead was at an all time high. I was very confident about the future. I was so engrossed with the books; I didn’t have much time to write here.
A few days ago, I started feeling uncommonly tired at odd times in the day. Usually when I get up in the morning and start my day, I’m feeling very fresh and alert all the way till the afternoon at which point I get some sleep. Recently though, I had a lot of trouble getting out of bed and felt impossibly tired at 10 am. My concentration lagged and my study suffered. I didn’t know what was wrong and initially just put the fatigue down to a quirk, because I was following a time-tested timetable- I knew it worked and I knew my diet was fine too. The fatigue got worse the next day at which point I also started feeling a little dizzy and my heart rate also went down considerably. This was followed soon by diarrhea. Then I learnt that my bhabi, my father and my nephew also had diarrhea and felt poorly. There was something we all ate that made us sick.
I didn’t blog anything here because I was feeling so miserable, partly because of my illness and partly because of how it was affecting my studies. I hate studying, and if I must do it, I have to be at my physical and mental peak. I relate it to the kind of condition a professional athlete must be in to perform optimally. I was feeling very tired, very slow and it was difficult for me to get any work done. My study over the last four days has been very poor, breaking my momentum to a screeching halt. Needless to say, I feel terrible about it. I’m at a stage when the performance curve must be going up, not coming down. I had marked 10 hours as the absolute minimum I needed to attain from here on out. I’m about 3 and a half months away till the exam and have an absolute mountain of work left. I need to gather my strength and move forwards and try to overcome all the negative energy that’s been accumulating in me over the last few days. This is definitely not something I needed right now, but I’m going to try my best to get back on track. It takes such a long time to build momentum, stamina and a good degree of self-confidence. I hope I can just snap back to my mindset of a week ago quickly. I can’t afford to feel the way I do now.
I don’t feel better yet, but it’s been 4 days of poor work already and the depression and guilt is building up such that I have to try to make the most of today or I’ll really get messed up in the head.
The USMLE Step 1 is not for the faint hearted. That’s for sure.