a young pakistani doctor blogs...
Sunday, February 26, 2006
  Deconstruction
A lot of the times, when my studies seem to overwhelm me and my goals seem unattainable, I fall into the habit of daydreaming of being a rich, famous writer. I’ve already written about this defense mechanism before and I’ve explained how I realized it was a stupid, and counterproductive defense mechanism through writing about it on this blog. I would fall too deep into this fantasy when I’d be having a bad day and it would become difficult to crawl out of that mindset and throw myself into my studies again wholeheartedly.

Recently, I’ve realized that the very idea of being a famous writer is hinged, in a fundamental way on my possible my mental fatigue from all this endless studying and worrying. I’ve been doing this for so long without a break, my fantasies are all about how I’d never have to work as hard at something I don’t like (i.e. studying) again. Of course writing is not easy, but with a good-selling book, I can easily afford to take a year or so off, according to my fantasy. It’s good to deconstruct one’s self and analyze where these feelings are coming from. I suppose this isn’t something a good vacation can’t fix. Unfortunately any real break from studying or planning my career will be impossible for at least another 12 months. If things don’t go according to plan, I might not have a vacation for a looooooong time, in which case I’ll probably have some really serious mind games to play with myself.
 
Comments:
i d say right after ur done with ur exams,start working on a novel.the only thing I know abt all best selling authors is tht they all started early and there is no reason to think tht u cant b a world famous writer too.plus its not all tht hard to get a buk published in pak.dsnt matter even if the first one isnt a best seller but its only the first one thts hard.go for it aftr ur mle.
 
After all the exams and travelling and interviewing is over, I'll have about 3-4 months free before I start my residency inshallah. I plan to write the first draft of a novel in that space of time, and then keep tinkering around with it regularly for the next 4-5 years. It's easy to fine tune something when you've got a first-draft to work with. I can always steal a few hours in the week to write when I start my residency.
 
It looks like you are going through the endless exercise of day dreaming & bulding a future for yourself in your mind 10 years from now. Trust me it happens to all of us. I've been through it myself. When I was sitting down for my MLE preps, I would just go on and on about the tiny little details of evevry little thing that I could think was going to be a part of the process till I would get sick of it & try to build alternative worlds. It happens to me even now. I think sometimes we get too hung up in details of the future & in doing so miss the present. It becomes quite counterproductive at times, at least for me. It's like a never ending addiction. I want to break free from it. Help me free my mind!! Will ya?
 
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Recent med school graduate from Peshawar, Pakistan. Started blogging when in throes of final year exams. Currently studying for USMLE Step 1. Aiming for the 2008 Match. I blog about my studies, my worries, and my thoughts on life. I live in Islamabad.

BLOGS I READ
Aya's Randomness
I, Zak
Crow's Nest
Rai
Kevin MD
Sometime's Sobia

Watan Dost
Fingers and tubes
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