A lot of the times, when my studies seem to overwhelm me and my goals seem unattainable, I fall into the habit of daydreaming of being a rich, famous writer. I’ve already written about this defense mechanism before and I’ve explained how I realized it was a stupid, and counterproductive defense mechanism through writing about it on this blog. I would fall too deep into this fantasy when I’d be having a bad day and it would become difficult to crawl out of that mindset and throw myself into my studies again wholeheartedly.
Recently, I’ve realized that the very idea of being a famous writer is hinged, in a fundamental way on my possible my mental fatigue from all this endless studying and worrying. I’ve been doing this for so long without a break, my fantasies are all about how I’d never have to work as hard at something I don’t like (i.e. studying) again. Of course writing is not easy, but with a good-selling book, I can easily afford to take a year or so off, according to my fantasy. It’s good to deconstruct one’s self and analyze where these feelings are coming from. I suppose this isn’t something a good vacation can’t fix. Unfortunately any real break from studying or planning my career will be impossible for at least another 12 months. If things don’t go according to plan, I might not have a vacation for a looooooong time, in which case I’ll probably have some really serious mind games to play with myself.