Worried about the result.
Today was a fine day. Study was totally on track. I took the LAN cable out when I started studying and it was plain sailing after that. My pace was good and spirits high. It's easy putting the LAN cable back in, I know - but taking it out is kind of like making the affirmation that I recognize the problem and am doing something to guard myself from it. I didn't feel tempted to put the cable back in or anything and the day went fine. For me, I guess the net is more like an insidious poison - I don't know I'm being affected till I'm well in its grasp.
I felt tense again regarding my final year result. I don't really know anymore when it'll come out. It should definitely be less than a week from now. I did a splendid job of not thinking about it the whole day. As a matter of fact, I don't know why the hell I'm mentioning it now…
When I finished my A-levels, and the result had arrived, I went to my school to go and get it. I had a great 2 years in A-levels. I learnt a lot, made good friends and really loved that time in my life. This period of bliss nurtured the sense that nothing bad was going to happen to me; the notion in fact never occurred to me. I walked into my school as cool as a cucumber, not nervous in the least. I was dead sure I had aced the exams and would have done great.
How naïve and young I was…
The enormous shock of the result only began to diminish some 3 months later when I (miraculously) got into medical college. Medical college itself was another series of disasters. I finally got my act together in final year and turned my life around. To be honest, this Herculean effort was due in large part to my fiancé's presence. Since then, nice things have been happening to me although this is the first exam result since the ball got rolling again, so to speak. It's so hard to trust fate after you feel it's cheated you over and over. Why will this time be any different from last time? Well, logically speaking, I do honestly feel that this time, I really do deserve to pass with flying colors. I really did turn myself around. But as I said, it's hard to trust your luck when it's let you down so many times before.
Pray for me.