Going Cold Turkey
Today was marked by long breaks occasionally interrupted by short intense bursts of furious, guilt-ridden studying. I didn't get that much done today and I kind of feel bad about it. Heck, I feel like a big loser.
Ah, the theme never seems to change around here does it? Is it just me or do I go on about how terrible my studies are a bit too much? I figured that if I embarrass myself by telling you what a loser I am, it might shame me into taking some action the next time around. This tactic hasn't worked out too well for me so far. However, I am glad to report that I've managed at least to rid myself, hopefully permanently, of various causes of my dithering ways. One major cause was the persistent notion that I might still make it as a writer if I set my mind to it (now). I managed to firmly rid myself of this idea by telling myself that I'm very young, with lots of life yet (Inshallah) and will get a chance to do it all, but that for now I've got to have the stubbornness and persistence of a donkey and be single-minded about just one thing: the Steps. Things have also perked up with the start of the pharmacology video lectures. The lecturer is Dr. Anthony Trevor, a fine teacher - far better than the hopelessly boring Dr. Lionel of biochemistry.
Yet I've come to realize another problem. It seems I'm somewhat of an internet addict.
There, I said it. It's out in the open. Hello everyone, my name is DrPak, and I'm *choke* an internetholic. I find myself working quite contentedly at pharmacology, when suddenly I think: Hey, let's check my mail! Hey, let's see what's on google news! Hey, wonder if Firefox has a extension for … And one thing leads to another, and before I know it, I'm deeply engrossed in something I had no intension of looking up when I started.
I'm thinking of unplugging the LAN cable that hooks me up to the server computer in our house. I'll cut off my net connection while I'm studying and put it back in only at the end of my day. I guess I could easily plug it back in when the temptation strikes, but I'm thinking that the inconvenience of getting under the table and fumbling with the wires to do something wholly unnecessary might break the hypnotizing spell of the net. God knows, with my super-customized Firefox, it's amazingly easy to get to exactly where I need to go. It just takes a click or two and I'm flooded with distractions. Every time I'm tempted to check my mail, or do something equally useless, I'll just tell myself I don't really need to and my that future is more important…
Inshallah, I'll weed all my bad habits out one by one.