a young pakistani doctor blogs...
Friday, December 30, 2005
  Dulcius ex asperis
A far far better day for me today. I slept enough last night and woke up refreshed, then got straight to work. The last few days had been marked by irregular sleep due to an attempt to change my nocturnal habits. I would feel really drowsy all day and it was tough for me to study much because of that. I’ve finally managed to bring my sleeping habits to a steady state and I think I’ll do better from now on. Today was a good day for studying. I didn’t get that much work done – I only plugged in 6-7. It’s less than what I hope will be a regular 10-12 hours very soon, but it’s a good post-final-year-result start.

I don’t think its a good sign if one is feeling too happy and confident during these preps. I think a certain level of pain is required to keep your ass planted and your eyes glued to the page. If one is feeling too happy about life during a time like this, one might start to expect feeling that way everyday. Inevitably, when the joy wears out of the studying (as it inevitably without the slightest touch of a hint of nuance of a breath of a doubt will), then the study process will seem all the more harder. I’m beginning to realize the wisdom to the words a senior of mine once told me: if you enjoy what you’re doing, you probably ain’t really studying. It’s just got to be a little painful – you need that edge.

Through this blog, I’ve worked through a number of serious issues. The daydreaming escapist fantasies for one thing. While at the time, writing my way to stardom might have really seemed like a viable option, it was only after thinking out loud here that I realized I was just using it as a prop to avoid the pain of these preps. I’ve also realized that it’s now or never for me and if I don’t take the pain like a man, I’ll just be giving up on my dreams. I’ve not only firmly closed the door for the way out, but I’ve also managed to force my psyche to face in one direction and then gave it a good hard kick in the ass to get it moving. The sense of urgency is back – I pray that it’s here to stay, because while its no good for my peace of mind, it’s is for my study. If I’m persistent (a big if), I should get somewhere. Through difficulty, sweetness.

I could have studied more today, but I developed a backache and couldn’t bear to sit in the chair any longer. I’ll have to do something to make this chair more ergonomic.
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Recent med school graduate from Peshawar, Pakistan. Started blogging when in throes of final year exams. Currently studying for USMLE Step 1. Aiming for the 2008 Match. I blog about my studies, my worries, and my thoughts on life. I live in Islamabad.

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