a young pakistani doctor blogs...
Friday, December 16, 2005
  Dreary wait in dreary days
The wait for the result is taking a toll. I'm suffering from insomnia and that's making it difficult to concentrate on my work. I remember something I wrote in the 2nd or 3rd entry of this blog:

I want both my parents to rest easy in the twilight of their lives. I want to be able to shield them for a change, to provide for them for a change, to tell them that they never have to worry about money again as long as I'm alive.


But if I don't do well in final year, how can they believe such a day will ever come? How can I? They'll worry incessantly about me until my feet land in America and I actually go there to work - if that ever happens! They'll keep treating me with no small degree of justified distrust, worried that this son of theirs may never make it all the way like they had once believed he could (and would).


How can I trust myself if I don't deliver in final year? I know I have it in me. I have to clean up my act. No more whimsical, stupid escapist day-dreaming (I do a lot of that - may write about that soon). My success will determine the happiness of people who are so dear to me. I can't afford to let them down.


It's not fair to have all your eggs placed for you in one basket. It's not fair to be a part of such a rotten educational system, where one massive exam at the end of an 18-month-long final year at med school determines your total score. If anything goes wrong…

I'm resisting the temptation to think too much about the result, despite the frequency with which I mention it here. However, the anxiety it generates still sits back there like a burning ember at the back of my consciousness, slowly drilling a hole through my mind. If it's not out soon, I'll go mad. And if the result it not good, I'll … sheesh, don't even want to think about it.

Nothing much to report about today's events. Study didn't go well. My lack of sleep over the last few days made it difficult to focus. I'm going to take a sleeping pill tonight. I don't want to waste tomorrow as well. Inshallah when the result comes out soon, all will be well… the pus will be drained, the fever will die down and I'll be able to sleep alright.
 
Comments:
It will all work out just fine inshaAllah and nothing will go wrong!!
I don't know how it works with your college/uni...but ours either announced results on a saturday or a monday...
Don't worry about the studying...you will be able to make up for it...try a relatively easier subject maybe?
 
my friend you think too much.
 
lolz... yeah man, ur right. I should tell myself to stop thinking too much. Actually, there was this guy in out college who actually studied for the final year exam in 2 weeks.... no joke. The rest of the year he was studying for his Step 1 exam. He passed! Whenever I think of him, I feel better. Afterall, I busted my ass for 5 months and he.... there I go again, thinking too much!
 
See now u looking at the bright side of the things. if people like him can pass so can u very easily.
and look at the other side. what if God forbid something bad happens. so what. nothing comes to an end. everything keeps on going. all wouldnt matter a few years down the lane.
so chil man. i know i as of u a difficult thing t these times but find a defence mechanism and sit in it. just for a few more days.
 
You, know a senior of mine told me that our professors are so lenient in final year that one of them openly said in class:

"We take all the answer papers where the students have answered all the questions (without leaving any). Those students are automatically passed. As for the rest, we try our best to pass those also".

heheheh
 
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Recent med school graduate from Peshawar, Pakistan. Started blogging when in throes of final year exams. Currently studying for USMLE Step 1. Aiming for the 2008 Match. I blog about my studies, my worries, and my thoughts on life. I live in Islamabad.

BLOGS I READ
Aya's Randomness
I, Zak
Crow's Nest
Rai
Kevin MD
Sometime's Sobia

Watan Dost
Fingers and tubes
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