Doctor, heal thyself.
My day hasn’t even properly started yet, and I’m already feeling bad about things.
The good news is I’ve never been better equipped in my life to deal with the mental exertion that comes with studying for the Steps than I am now. After the ordeal of the 6-month long final year prep and exam, I feel I’ve learnt enough about myself to face ny situation.
So let’s analyze then.
I’m feeling really bad because I’m far far behind on my study targets. Before moving further, let’s fully appreciate that I do not feel bad for any
other reason. I am not in a depressive state. I have no real problems to blame for my feelings. I am a normal, healthy, well-adjusted human being – so there is no point in looking for ‘problems’ for my feelings. The reason I feel bad is because I’m behind on my targets. No more, no less.
Every problem must have a solution when analyzed logically. Now having established the cause, let’s explore it further. Every time I start studying these days, I don’t feel as if I’m covering new ground, but rather, making up for ground I should have covered days ago. This leads to very low levels of enthusiasm for the start of the day because no matter how hard I work, I don’t feel as if I’m making progress. To my mind, I’m always going to be behind.
In order to ensure that I get something
done during the course of the day, I need to feel good about myself when I get the work done. There must be a sense of pride associated with whatever progress I make, otherwise this difficult exercise will be even harder to bear. I think I have to come to terms with the fact that I am indeed behind my targets and accept this - that rather than setting impossible ‘catch-up’ schedules that only set me up for failure and self-loathing…
…okay, so I’m behind on my targets. Big deal. Life never works out exactly the way you want it to. I’m not going to try and catch up to where I’m supposed to be in an act of desperation. I’ll just move along at 30 pages/day and forget about where, according to my Masterplan, I was supposed to be. Whatever happens today, I will not worry myself about being behind. I’ll just have to forget about my schedule and wake up everyday thinking only one thing: 30 pages today.