a young pakistani doctor blogs...
Sunday, November 06, 2005
  Back for good..
I’m back at this blog for good now. I’ve got a 24 hour internet connection to my own room and I can log in and hound you all with thoughts from the dark recesses of my mind whenever the mood strikes me.

I don’t want to talk about the quake. It was a terrible time for me, and I’d just as soon let it go.

Let’s talk about the future. I’m back from Peshawar, thank God, finally free of that awful place for good. The result is not out yet. Our moronic, useless professors will take their time marking the papers, and then the moronic useless examination/results section of our university will spend sometime getting the result ready. We expect the result to be looming sometime next month. Speaking of which, I had a nightmare about the result and woke up this morning feeling like shit.

This is the third consecutive nightmare I’ve had. I woke up feeling horrible about myself. The good news is I know precisely why I’m having these dreams.

I started studying a week after I got here, while the earthquakes hadn’t yet died down. I got settled in this same room (albeit, without an internet connection) and got to work. It didn’t go well at all. For one, it was Ramadan and I’d start work after I broke my fast, and thereafter I’d feel really sleepy, bloated and useless. Secondly, the quakes had frazzled my nerves and the exam I just came back from had them stretched. I was out of sorts and decided to ease up on myself and take the last 2 weeks of Ramadan off. So I did. Here were are now, Ramadan is over and done with. We celebrated Eid on the 4th (Happy Eid, everyone!!) I decided to take eid off as well, because, y’know… its Eid man! Yesterday then, was supposed to be my first official day of work, except I didn’t really do any. I just puttered around on the net, and before I knew it the day had gone. The nightmares, all of which are related to studies, started when Ramadan had finished and I knew I had to get going.

It’s noon now, and my second day of official study for the USMLE Step 1. I plan to give it around the end of April 2006. Which is just a little shy of 6 months away. Its doable, but I’m just feeling really nervous about things. I should get going. I “wasted” the morning looking for fellow bloggers from Pakistan who were in the same shoes I was, and I’m glad to report that I found two. One is usmantm.blogspot.com and the other belongs to a friend of his who is linked to Usman’s site. Both are recent graduates of Aga Khan Medical University. They seem to be decent sorts. Not jerks or anything. Usman appears to be quite the humanist and a voracious reader, reporting to have collected 2000 books over this 5 year stay in AKU. That’s stretching the imagination a little if he’d had claimed he read them all, but to the best of my knowledge he never did make that assertion.

It’s strange how Usman’s experiences mirror my own. Packing up their belongings in the hostel and going back home as their stay in med school finally came to an end. Facing lots of depression during med school. Unsatisfied with this medical knowledge base. Thinking of becoming a writer. Heck, he’s even a Beatles fan (I’m a Beatles fanatic). The only difference is he really misses his alma mater, whereas I couldn’t be happier to be rid of mine. I felt a little jealous. I wish I could have enjoyed my college life enough to get choked up about it when I was finally leaving it behind. Alas - not meant to be.

Okay, so we were talking about studying. I’m glad I’ve got this blog to bitch at. Like I said when I was studying for my final exam (which went very well, thank you very much!), this blog make me feel I’m not so alone.

I wish I had access to the net for the sake of this blog when I went to Peshawar at the end of August. Although I was incredibly busy, I still might have been able to post here and apprise you all of my progress. Like I hinted at earlier, I had grown a lot during the last weeks of the prep and then more so when the exam started (and lasted for an incredibly long 45 or so days). As the days go by, I’ll put down the experiences of those days here.

I’m off for now, to study. Kaplan physiology lecture notes and the video lectures… here I come. My target is 30+ pages a day. I need to move at least that fast to keep my head above water. Be back later tonight with updates.
haha yep yar i seem regular. but only seem haha.
anywyas nice to know that we have a paki-doctor-blogger-mler on board ;)
hey dude...ure rite...its quite surprising how many of our interests are similar...books, music, art, writing, (not poetry; wonder why's thta...and yeah Sylvia Plath is very so-so. U mite wanna try more of the romantic era poets like TS Eliot)...i wud love to get together with u sometime and chat abt so many things...but anyways gud luck with ur MLE...im in the States rite now fer Step 2 CS...it's tomorrow...and Im a lil tense, but inshAllah Allah Mian will be there with me...

anyways keep writing and keep in touch
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Recent med school graduate from Peshawar, Pakistan. Started blogging when in throes of final year exams. Currently studying for USMLE Step 1. Aiming for the 2008 Match. I blog about my studies, my worries, and my thoughts on life. I live in Islamabad.

Aya's Randomness
I, Zak
Crow's Nest
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