a young pakistani doctor blogs...
Wednesday, July 06, 2005

I studied for just 7 hours yesterday. I’m feeling cranky and irritable right now, as I always do when things aren’t going my way. Grrrrr!

I hate the thought that there may be something my peers can do, which I can’t. I mean it really gets my goat. I know several people who do study upto 12 hours a day these days. It really pisses me off to think that there is a weakness in me preventing me from going to that level. Sometimes I feel I am capable of such great things, and the only thing standing in my way is mustering up the will to work hard enough to realize that greatness.

In times as stressful as these, I tend to get brief flashbacks of childhood ‘warmth’. By that, I’m talking about those periods of intense, undiluted happiness that only children can have. I remember a time when I didn’t have to worry so much about things, when life was so much simpler, when I was enthusiastic about things. I don’t get the same intensity of feeling – its more like I remember what that was like. Like seeing a favorite shirt of yours but not putting it on.

I resolved last night, when going grumpily to bed to start studying as soon as possible after getting up. My mind and body are refreshed and it’ll be good to get those first 4-5 hours of work out of the way ASAP so I’ll have more room to breath later on in the day. I just woke up 40 minutes ago. I’m finishing my cup of coffee, then I’ll get going. Hope I meet my targets.

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Recent med school graduate from Peshawar, Pakistan. Started blogging when in throes of final year exams. Currently studying for USMLE Step 1. Aiming for the 2008 Match. I blog about my studies, my worries, and my thoughts on life. I live in Islamabad.

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